The Three Most Important Things to Teach Your Pup

“What’s next, Boss?” Copyright Mike Raether 2019

First off, I don’t understand the phrase, “It’s a dog’s life” like it’s a bad thing.  I disagree. Think about it: for a dog, life is nothing more than eating, sleeping, playing, and chewing up slippers. I kind of envy this, except for the “chewing up slippers” part. Nevertheless, other than the basics, there are three things every pup should learn and I’m pleased to pass them on to you at absolutely no charge. Before I forget, you’re welcome.

The first thing to teach your pup is how to pee on command. Really. This is so handy. Who of us likes taking the dog out for the last time at night and waiting while he/she sniffs every blade of grass until she/he finds just the right spot? (Notice how I wrote “he/she” and then “she/he”? Clever. But I digress.) The solution is teaching your dog how to pee on command. You, too, can have your very own pee-on-command dog and impress your friends.

However, before I reveal the process I must disclose a qualifier. It’s been my experience that this works with pups, but not so much with adult dogs. At least, I tried it once with an adult dog and he didn’t get it. Or perhaps he just didn’t think it was any of my business where he lifted his leg. Anyway, on with the lesson –

Take your dog outside (I assume you want your dog to relieve him/herself outside and not in the house) and let her/him find just the right spot. Mine likes the neighbor’s property best and that suits me just fine. When your dog (finally) voids, just say “Do it” or “Go potty” or whatever other command you want to use. As the dog does its’ business, repeat the chosen command over and over. Before long, when you give the command your dog will obey. Just never use the command in the house.

The second most important thing to teach your pup is not to chew stuff up, especially your slippers. Keep in mind while teaching this lesson that dogs like to chew. You’ll never break a dog of chewing. It’s what they do, in addition to eating, sleeping, and playing, but you can teach them how to chew stuff selectively.  Most pups learn this fairly quick.

When you see your pup chewing up (for example) one of your slippers, take the slipper way from the dog and give it something it’s permitted to chew, like a bone with a few goodies left on it (your dog won’t care if the goodies have dried up and turned black. A little odor makes the bone all that more appealing). Instead of a bone, you could use a stuffed dog toy. As you take the item from the pup, say, “This is mine. You may not chew up (destroy, consume, tear apart) what is mine. This other thing is also mine, but I’ll let you have it so you may chew it up (destroy it, consume it, tear it apart) instead of the slipper which is mine.” However, now that I  think of it, this command may be too long for a pup to understand. Perhaps just a simple “No” along with the exchange would suffice.

The third and last command is probably the easiest but the most important: “Let’s go take a nap.” As dogs spend about 90% of their time napping, this trick ought to come to them naturally. This skill is best taught by example. ‘Nuff said. Speaking of naps…

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