By Grover the Pack Goat
I’m beginning to think my owner is just plain mean. To get even with him, I hacked his blog and wrote this post for all the world to see what a jerk he is.
A few days ago my owner took me and that goofy poodle on a hike. I’m not supposed to eat on the trail, but the variety of all those bushes look so tasty that it’s hard to resist grabbing a quick snack along the way. For some reason, my tiny pauses for quick bites of this and that drives my owner mad. What a fun sucker. I’m not to blame, I’m just a victim of my appetite which I often pay for by getting a whack on the nose with a trekking pole. See what I mean about my owner? Mean, just plain mean.
It just isn’t fair. After all, my owner keeps snacks in his backpack. All I want to do is grab a snack for later. It’s not like I’m going to eat it right now; I’m simply stuffing it into my rumen for later when I have time to chew it up properly. I am an eating machine, and the sooner my owner realizes this the better. For me, life consists of eating, sleeping, and hangin’ with the herd. And making goat raisins. I forgot about that part. What goes in one end, must come out the other.
You may have guessed by now that I’m a vegetarian. And I’m proud of it. I can make an enormous amount brush and weeds go away. I especially like blackberry bushes. Gotta love those spines! But I’m not one of those vegetarians who thinks they’re somehow superior to meat-eaters. I understand there’s different strokes for different folks. We don’t all have the same tastes. However, I do have this to say: if you eat meat, you suck.
However, eating a lot of veggies generates in a lot of burps. Too much information, you say? Hah! I found a way to get even with my owner for being such a big meanie. When he comes out in the evening to give me my nightly treat, I point my nose up toward his face which he interprets as an affectionate, “Howdy.” Then I let out a big burp right in his face – the sour odor of have-digested vegetation backs him up about 10 feet, choking and coughing all the way.
Take THAT you big meanie! Remember this the next time you whack me for grabbing a quick snack.
How about you? Got any advice for my mean master?